Friday, August 26, 2005

Continuity dispite discontinuity -or - "the more things change, the more they stay the same."

I am beginning to wonder what kind of sense of humor the Almighty has. I feel as though I am moving forward and my life is progressing nicely. But no matter where I look, I find examples which seem to point out that I am in a place / time / situation remarkably similar to places / times / situations in which I have been in the past. Let's take a look, shall we?
  1. I am currently living in a dorm with a bunch of other people living in a dorm. As is required for the first week of dorm life, I am being amazingly accessible and easy to talk to. I want to make friends, mingle, and get to know people without judgement. We had an ice cream social. They are planning a "game night." Prior to this I was living with my parents, so of course I left stuff that I need at my parents' house. I have no way of getting there to get it for at least another 9 days. First week of college. I've been here before.
  2. As a requirement of my need-based financial aid, I am working for the "Student Life Office." The Dean has given me a job: i am responsible for writing / editing the weekly newsletter to be posted online every Monday. That's right folks: I am writing the bulletin. As most of you are aware, I have done this in the past as well. I was actually pretty happy to be rid of it at my last post (right before I "resigned"), but here I am again. Stretching deadlines and checking for typos.
  3. I began seeing a beautiful woman immediately before she moved away to attend school in another state way too far away. Hence, not only am I about to begin a rigorous class schedule, but my thoughts are preoccupied with my own current state of self-denial. I have been here before. It sucked then, but it sucks worse now. (I'm 28 friggin' years old - this ain't supposed to be happening...) Thank God for the internet. Online chatting has come a long way in ten years, but it still can't compare with actually seeing the person with whom I am conversing.
  4. I am occupying the rather inactive period of time between moving in to the dorm and the beginning of classes by drawing super-heroes of my own invention. The current masterpiece is a tough-as-nails female anti-hero. She is more than the law can handle, but there is good underneath the ultra-violent exterior. Hmmm... similar to the last time I was doing this, I am drawing on sub-standard paper with sub-standard pencils because I left all my good stuff at home.
  5. I am in a genuinely open state. This is the kind of thing that only happens after you've had the opportunity to question yourself just enough to be sure that you are unsure. I am here in my dorm room waiting to learn; waiting to be challenged. I want my current understandings of the truths I have held to be dashed upon the ground and give way to understndings that open up riches as yet untold. I have been here before too. It turned out poorly. Instead of opening my mind, I closed it. Instead of expanding my world, I restricted it. I am glad to have another shot. Will the outcome be different this time? Or will I simply fall into a different form of closed-mindedness? We shall see.
  6. The possibilities at this point are endless. The mind boggles. All sorts of new and exciting frontiers are opening before me. I felt this way 10 years ago - almost to the day. They say 30 is the new 20. That makes 28 the new 18. I'm happy I'm not 18 again, and I'm happy that 28 is giving me another, wiser, more capable run at something great.

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