Thursday, April 16, 2009

Mr. Sensitivity

That's some other guy. I on the other hand, am the big jerk husband who, for whatever reason, didn't foresee that going to Target and buying a few toys and clothes for my one-year-old daughter without her mother present and then opened them and let her play all afternoon with the new fun stuff (again - no mommy) would in fact make her mom feel miserable about missing out on these new experiences in her baby girl's life. If any of that came across snarky or sarcastic, I certainly don't mean for it to. I'm really pissed off at myself for not being as tuned in to my wife's feelings as I truly ought to be. And shit like this happens immer wieder (look it up in your German-English dictionary).

I am pretty sensitive; I can almost always tell when she's upset about something. However, I currently lack the skills necessary to know what that something is and, more importantly, I seem to lack the ability to avoid doing things that will upset/piss off/generally displease her. I don't mind pissing her off once in a while - usually it turns out good. I eventually learn something that benefits the relationship in the future. General displeasure isn't such a big deal either. We are different people and occasionally what one of us does is going to rub the other the wrong way. What I hate - HATE - is when I really upset her; when one of my many human failings butts up against her passionately felt and dearly held emotions. This feels like one of those times.

I am having difficulty being both a good dad and a good husband simultaneously. At any given moment, I can do a good job at one or the other. The thing is, I want to be a great husband. The best. I want to be a great dad. The best. But I keep getting in the way.

No comments:

Post a Comment